Marlene's Sharing! Seattle & our 30th June Gathering

It’s good to be back in Singapore after 2.5 weeks in Washington & Montana, marveling at the picturesque glaciers, snow-capped mountains, soaking in the breathtaking views and getting in touch with nature that our great Lord has created! :)

Although I didn’t get to hear the YISS testimonies in the wee hours of this morning at Sam’s place, it was heartwarming just to see you all and a few new faces! The Holy Spirit’s presence was so strong last night during intercessory that I felt my heart beating so fast and loud that I just had to speak out and lift up my prayers in boldness and in faith!

Was doing some housekeeping just now and went though some of my old email. I came across the following that I’ve shared with Krish in Sept 2003, which I felt was really apt to share with all of you as YAM moves forward to be involved with many important upcoming events like 777 Youth Rally, 10-weeks service attachment with 12 confirmation 3 teens, brainstorming for a programme to outreach to non-active youths, etc…

The following is taken from William A. Barry’s “Paying Attention to God - Discernment in Prayer”. It talks about Bartimaeus, the blind beggar who regained his sight. I really like what Barry wrote about forgiving and accepting the past, surrendering to life and to the future. Read on and be inspired!!

Bartimaeus (the blind beggar who receives his sight) is who he is because he was a blind beggar. (Mark 10:46-51) Did it ever occur to you that people like him may not want to be healed?

Jesus put to Bartimaeus, "What do you want me to do for you?" If he allows himself to want his sight, 2 possibilities open up. His hopes could be dashed, as it proves impossible for Jesus to fulfill his desires. On the other hand, he could actually receive his sight. But what then? After all, he now has an identity that revolves around being a blind beggar. Who will he be if he is no longer blind? He makes a living and gets attention and even pity from others. How will he live as a sighted person?

To want to be healed, to be changed, to become more whole means to surrender to life and to the future. On the one hand, it means accepting my past as precisely what it is, my past. On the other hand, it means surrendering myself to the mystery of the future, ultimately to the Mystery we call God.

Bartimaeus must have accepted his past. He is a blind beggar. He does not seem to wallow in resentment at what life has done for him; if he did, he would not have been able to ask so forcibly for his sight. To come to this point of acceptance, he may have had to go through all the stages of grief. He may have denied his blindness, raged at it, at life and at God, bargained with God, and become depressed. but now he has accepted that he is blind. And yet it is accepted as somehow past, as not controlling his freedom now, his freedom to desire a change, "Rabbi, I want to see."

To accept the past does not mean to condone everyone and everything. But it does mean to forgive in some deep way. To accept the past as my past brings freedom from it. But the freedom does not mean that I am no longer the person that past has made me.

The next step is the surrender to the mystery of the future. When Bartimaeus opens his heart to desire sight, he opens himself to the unknown. He hands himself over in faith and hope to the Lord of the future.

Like the Israelites in the desert, we can hanker for the leeks and onions of Egypt. Like Peter on the water, we can become afraid of the mysterious world we have entered. But we too, can hear the Lord calling us to trust him, to keep on surrendering to his mysterious future until the final surrender of death itself.

We can take courage from the fact that each time we have accepted our past as past and surrendered to the future, we have met a God who could be relied on, who for all his seeming inability to protect us from the cruelties of life still was with us, still kept asking us,

"What do you want me to do for you?"